Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
