my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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