that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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