i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
