Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
