i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
