I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
