I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
