Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
