Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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