the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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