so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
