You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is wine microwaveable?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
