Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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