dude i'm inner monologue high
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
