why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
