i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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