Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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