i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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