Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
