I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
