We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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