Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
