i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
