I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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