yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
