Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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