We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize