I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
