Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
