Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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