i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
