The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
