I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
