yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
