I need help removing her.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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