I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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