she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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