Did you just see the Batmobile???
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
