WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
