Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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