The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
