Quick, to the slutcave!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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