friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
