i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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