You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
