she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
