Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
