Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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