ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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