dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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