They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
