you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
