what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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