and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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