He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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