i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
do nipples grow back?
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