As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
