I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
