yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
