i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
