She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
