I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
