I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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