And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
