I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
