so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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