Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
