Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
