I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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