4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize