highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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