lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on a dog bed..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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