tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
