Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
