His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
