is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
