Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
a search helicopter?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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