This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
