So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
