theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
