Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
