Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize