Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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