gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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