Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
